"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
I have learnt a new skill: the art of forgiveness! I have been practicing the art of forgiveness for a while, but now is when I am beginning to truly get the hang of it all. *happy jig* ┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘
Holding on to anger or hurt of the past shackles one like a slave to the offending individual or situation, thus and such, dear readers, forgiveness is such an important component of inner peace - a tool that one simply must possess in this survival of the fittest battleground. But is this oh-so-valuable tool easy to come by? Please, take a seat...
See, we're told "forgive and forget." Easy, right? In my case, fortunately and unfortunately, I was blessed with a strong, photogenic memory. I kid you not, I remember the most detailed of details, so much that I was accused of storing records of relationships. ಠ⌣ಠ As unbelievable as it may sound, my memory has stored information as far back as to when I was still breastfeeding and unable to sit on my own. So, the forgiving part, got it. The forgetting part...err..not quite. As if that's not more than enough, psychology suggests that emotionally significant events, be it tragic or celebratory, imprint in our minds. This, I believe, then creates the unhealthy trend of forgiveness, or lack, thereof: you forgive - do your happy jig - remember - get angry again - forgive....meh. You get the point. For some reason unbeknownst to me (I have always wanted to use that word. Don't judge me), the forgiveness process is softened by some sort of apology. Unfortunately, not everyone will apologize, either because they genuinely are unaware of the effects of their actions, or they just don't care about you and your feelings at all.
Being an advocate for unconditional love, I believe that forgiveness - an act of love -should be given unconditionally; apology or not, deserving or not. Photogenic mind and psychological theories aside, generally speaking, over the years I have become quite aloof (*cough*life lessons*cough*), and thus I rarely struggle with forgiveness. However, there is one situation that I have been having difficulty with. To say I have been struggling to forgive would be an understatement. I strive to be as pure as Jesus, but let's face it: I'm only human, as imperfect as can be. But still, I do strive for near perfection of my soul, so off I went to seek friendly counsel...
About a month ago, I visited a friend of mine, with whom we share the same spiritual beliefs. Because of this, I figured that she would best understand my desire to forgive and why it was so important for me to be able to forgive, whereas other people would find it justifiable to be unforgiving of said situation.
"Look," I approached her. "God forgives me, so whom am I not to forgive others? I want to forgive, I really do. I am, however, struggling with all my might to forgive Individual/Situation A (I.S.A). Any time I think I have forgiven, I find myself getting angry again and back to square one, especially since I have to face I.S.A, and unapologetic at that, quite often. What do I do?"
"I understand," she said, duly giving her solution. "You just have to forgive I.S.A seventy times seven times, as Jesus said."
That simple, yet profound. Also, the greatest commandment is to love, and a summary of how to do so is given in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. In verse 5, it says that "love keeps no record of wrongs", yet by refusing to forgive, you are doing exactly that. You are keeping records of wrongs. Going by this, forgiveness to me means erasing the past, erasing the records. Just like pencil on paper after being erased where the markings still remain (yes, people), though unseen, so does our past remain existing yet unseen. Erasing it doesn't mean it ceases to exist, but blinds us to it.
Any time I find myself thinking of I.S.A and re-living hurtful memories, I forgive again...and again...and again. It gets easier with time, to the point the memories are almost getting completely erased, and I am so peaceful that I.S.A has almost zero effect on me now. I know with time I will master seventy times seven so well that the effect will now be absolute zero, heck, even negative 100!
*side note* forgiving seventy times seven doesn't mean that once you have forgiven a person 490 times you are now free to hold the tightest grudge that will bleed your insides and hopefully ruin theirs. No. It means forgiving countless times. It also doesn't mean allowing people to continually do you wrong while walking on your self-worth. Absolutely not. It means moving on, in whichever direction life chooses for you, but accepting what is, taking your freedom and releasing yourself from the bondage of the past, hurt and anger, while refusing to give that other person power over you.
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