Staying Above the Waters: Attitude of gratitude

"Sometimes we may feel like "prayer is lifeless, love is cold, faith is weak, each grace in the garden of our heart languishes and droops" (C.H.Spurgeon) but still, "Sing, O barren." (Isaiah 54:1). It is good for your soul."

Quite honestly, I have been struggling a bit lately. Anyone having battled depression knows the intense hold it can have on one. Like everyone in life, we all go through ups and downs. However, with depression, negative life events tend to have an even worse effect. With a negative frame of mind, it is difficult not to take negative situations that happen to us personally. In my life, I have had two very unpleasant years; the year I lost my father to cancer, and this year, have probably been the toughest years of my life thus far.

In my journey to overcome, I am using the Law of Attraction school of thought, which basically states that you attract everything that happens in life, so to attract good things, you need to be in a positive state of mind. But, yo! Being positive when everything negative seems to be happening is as difficult as trying to clean a toilet with a toothbrush. Forgiving and loving people who hurt, use, are rude, disrespectful, take you for granted, stab you in the back with a knife you trusted them with....despite them being unapologetic about their behavior towards you...mayooo! My friend, it will truly require God's insurmountable grace. Cutting imaginary ropes tying you to some people's negativity...let's not even go there. When the land you have labored so hard to plant, and faithfully water the seeds of, seems to be nothing but a mass of bareness, positivity is a but myth.

But myself, as I'm sure is the case with most of you, I seem to get caught up in all the downs of life, forgetting the ups. I seem to forget that despite the hardships I am currently facing, God has pulled me through before and will do so again, because I am His jewel. Despite the fact that even though we don't deserve it, God loves every inch of our being, and forgives us. If He can forgive our undeserving, unremorseful selves, who am I not to forgive and love others, apologies or not?

Yes, whatever you may be facing at the moment may seem like an impossible mountain to climb. But someone out there is having it tougher, that if you were asked to exchange your problems you would gladly choose to keep yours, and you would even be thankful for them. Also, what if we had that childlike mentality? The one of being ignorant of the depths of our situation and just enjoy the little things in life? I once visited a pediatric ward with some friends, and met a very beautiful 3 year old girl who had cancer. This little girl, whom I had never met before, warmed up to me very quickly and enjoyed holding my hand, going for a walk with me and playing around with baloons. The snacks we brought her and the other kids, my goodness, this was heaven to her. Not that she'd never had snacks, but we all know how kids and sugar are. During the hours I spent with her, not a single time did she complain, sulk, tell me she wished she could be having a different life, nor show any fear of the future (which for her would be the possibility of death). She just laughed and played and enjoyed her snacks like any other 3 year old, the only sign of her unpleasant situation being her brittle hair as a result of chemotherapy. She was just excited and thankful to have a new friend, who didn't even bring her much.

Yes, I stumbled a bit in this journey, and quite earlier than I thought I would, but that's okay. It is okay to fall, it is okay to feel (and admit) that you are weak. It is okay to not feel positive and like the world is closing in on you; you are only human. But then you get up, dust yourself off, smile, and try again, with an attitude of gratitude, because where you are today is a step (or a few) further than where you were yesterday.

Peace and Love