I Will Wait For You

"More than the watchmen wait for the morning...more than the watchmen wait for the morning, I will wait for you." - Janette, P4CM

There is a certain calmness and peace that comes with surrendering. Not surrendering as someone defeated, but surrendering in the sense that your power is limited; surrendering in acknowledgement that a Power greater than you exists, and submitting to that Power over your own will, and trusting the Power to lead you where you are destined go.



As I practice the art of surrendering in my journey, the poem  "I Will I Wait For You" by Janette of P4CM speaks to me on two different levels: as a woman and as a human being. One thing I have vowed I will teach my daughter from the day she is born is that she is beautiful and perfect - curly hair, big nose, dark skin and all - she is perfect the way she is and deserves the best there is. As a woman, from the day we are born, we are already handed out our "insignificant being" title. In the African culture, the girl child is not as celebrated, because, of course, you will not carry on the family name. As we get older and socialize with other people, we are further reminded of our imperfections. We are reminded that unless you fit into society's media-influenced description of the ideal woman - never mind that the ideal doesn't truly exist, thanks to Photoshop and other technological beauty enhancements - you are less than perfect. Nobody tells us that our scars and imperfections are evidence of our humanness, and certainly no one told us that even the "perfect" are imperfect too. They all have stretch marks just like you do. They all have scars from their childhood, just like you do.


To add on to our already skewed self-perception, the African society tends to view unmarried women at a certain age as lesser members of society. I kid you not, I have had some of my female friends encourage me to "just vumilia" (just persevere) in a relationship I am unsatisfied with, because in their view, though understandable, it is better to be in a relationship than to be single. Because of our self-views and society's influence, any man that gives us validation, however little it may be, we fall for it all at the sacrifice of our own happiness. Love is a beautiful thing. It isn't supposed to hurt, and you are not supposed to feel shortchanged, but rather re-energized and more full of life. The biggest gift we have as women is that of intuition, and we can all tell when a relationship is not worth it, yet, in search of false validation and fear of being "less than", we compromise.


What I love about Janette's  poem, is that she has her identity in Christ, and because she knows who she is, she doesn't need to seek for approval or settle for that half-in-half-out guy, because she is worth more than having to wait for some mere human to decide whether or not she is worth his time. She also highlights society's tendency to pressure one, citing the ticking biological clock, yet the Almighty is the ultimate decider. As she promises her ideal man that she will preserve herself, wait for him and be his Proverbs 31 woman, she assures him that she will recognise him because in his heart will be a reflection of Christ. The highlight of the whole monologue though was at the end, where she says that although it is her desire to meet and be with this ideal man, she surrenders to God's will, even if it means that it is His desire for her to be single forever. (Dear ladies, nobody ever died of being single. I promise :) )


Although this poem talks about relationships, I think it applies to other areas of life as well. Many a times, especially as a young person, we have big dreams and ideas of what we are expected to achieve by a certain time. We also compare our achievements to our peers, and our parents compare us to the children of their peers. Any threat to our time-lined goals, and we automatically spiral down the Himalayas with a self-beating perception, not realizing that everybody has their own story to tell.


Just as Janette knows who she is in Christ, I have my identity in Him as well, rather than on earthly things. Yes, I want my red BMW X6 and 4 bedroom house with a basement and swimming pool. Yes, I would love to get married and have my 3 children, two of whom I would like to be twins. Yes, although I am so comfortable living at home and having a hot shower every day, I would like to move into my own place. I will do everything as best as I know how to achieve my dreams, but I am not attached to and neither am I (I hope) idolizing them. I get so excited when I see a red BMW X6 on the road, and any time I make a step closer to my goals, I am more than enthusiastic. But what if, just what if, I never get to drive that BMW, and maybe get a different car? Will I be unhappy forever? No. Because my heart's treasures do not lie in earthly possessions, and because I surrender it all to God and His Will. My worth is not determined by who loves/doesn't love me, what age I get married or whether or not I live in a double-storey house. My worth is determined by what my Father thinks of me.


Rather than get frustrated about not having the relationship I wanted, or not driving the car that I wanted, or not having achieved what I wanted, I still hope and dream, but I release and surrender, and amidst all storms, I rest and I wait for Him.


I highly recommend listening to Janette's poem here -> I Will Wait For You . And by the way, she waited and he came :)